Droopy Draws

It's day 3 of no beer for me and Yvette. I don't know if it's in my head but I was already beginning to feel the "withdrawals", if you will. Since Yvette's honey is working out of town, tonight, Yvette and I were just going to lay low at the house and try something we've never tried.... wine! It's 7 o'clock and I'm getting off of work. 7:05 I'm talking to Yvette on the phone deciding whether to go to Specs or just a random store to browse wines. 7:06 I hang up and walk out of the building. Holy Jesus!!! 2 seconds after I walk out, I feel the super cold air hit my face and it stings, bad! Is it because I'm fat or just a bad shopper but, my undies are starting to roll down! Well, I don't have time for that now. My hands are too cold. I get to the bus stop..... I wait..... 7:15 right on time.... a bus is coming and I am too excited. Here it comes! Noooooo!!!!!! It was the 6 Jensen. The wind is literally slapping the snot out of me and I'm not even moving but somehow my undies keep rolling like they're butter on a hot stove! 7:25 another bus is coming but first a yellow cab stops and the driver asks, "Did you need me?". I was like, "Excuse me?". He says, "Where are you going?". So, I reply, not trying to be rude, "Pasadena area.". He looks at me like that's far and says, "I suuuuure would like to take you." so, I just said, "My bus is behind you". Weirdo!!!! Why Lord? Why must I be cursed with this smokin' body that attracts all the crazies? I must have been imagining things cause there is no bus in site. 7:30 I cant feel my face anymore and my fingers feel like they're on fire. I'm damning everyone I see driving by in their cars and wishing that the stupid bus that probably zoomed by early and left me has a lunatic on it that will inevitably attack the bus driver with a jagged piece of glass and tear his face off just so it can feel exactly the way mine feels right now. This is ridiculous! I know I'm big but no underwear ever in the history of underwear has ever had enough material to creep down the side of your leg far enough to where your knees are yelling "get off!" all the while still held up in the middle by the pants! 7:41....... FINALLY!!!!! I get on the bus, my hands are red and I don't even feel my arms or face. 8:08 I get to Gulfgate to meet Yvette but she isn't there yet so I have to make the long walk through the store parking lot to the front door. Undies still on a mission to trip me once they get to my ankles! So, we pick 2 wines, get in the car and go and finally get to Yvette's. 9:45 wine is chilling in the fridge, I'm typing with Yvette and Ben over my shoulder.......... panties are still down! The end