FUCK OFF, FOOD TOWN! BET I sent them foos a damn letter to their corporate office. 

To whom it may concern,

I would just like to share my experience and disbelief with what was supposed to be a special day for my family and most especially... my five year old nephew. I don't think I can ever recall a bad experience with your store, products or employees but I am now, so sorry to inform you that I have had the ultimate slap in the face by your store. I am unsure if the bakery in this particular location is an independent vendor or if you actually employ the woman who runs it but she is now the sad face on my handsome nephew. What was supposed to be an awesome celebration of a big number 5 birthday for my Nicolas, turned into a stomach ache for all of us. Not physically.... but mentally. I live close to this location and my mother, brothers, sisters, friends have always raved about how wonderful the sweet bread is in this bakery. So, it wasn't a question on where we would buy an averaged size cake for my nephew's fifth birthday party. Once the cake was being cut, of course, we didn't stop to taste it before we handed it out. We cut it all up into several pieces and handed it out to all of the children who attended the celebration, just to find all of them making faces and spitting it out. Once we tasted it, we found it tasted like spoiled milk. My sister in law called the bakery and the woman, who is ALWAYS rude to her for only speaking English, answered and said she couldn't deal with her because she didn't understand. Fine. She got my mother on the phone and she advised her of the issue. She said she'd gladly refund her the money for the cake as long as she came back into the store. My mother advised her that the party was still in process and it may not be until the next day. The woman agreed. The next day, my sister in law takes the cake back and she only got $8 back because as far as the baker was concerned, some of the cake was missing. Are you serious? The cake was cut and passed out to many children who spit it up and threw it away. Who was going to put the pieces back together to form the cake back into one piece? It is in no way about the money. I can easily spend money at any grocery store in the city because, believe me, I work at one of the most powerful companies in the state. I am just so disappointed with the way the issue was handled because even the store managers would not intervene. We are a whole family who have always been loyal customers to Food Town for the convenience of the location, the prices and the courtesy but, this weekend, all of that was compromised. I am so sorry to inform you that if your customers are treated as just random passerbys who can easily be dismissed and treated like trash and that we will no longer be doing business at your stores. It IS a shame because we have always chosen your stores over the competitors but my family's loyalty was compromised that day when my angel's special day was ruined. Thank you for your previous service and we hope you take this letter into consideration to avoid further customer loss. It's a shame. 

Crazy? Maybe... Maybe NOT

My brain is tired.  Lately it's been like a carousel that won't stop or slow down, now matter how hard I try to get off.  It makes me wonder if everyone has gone or will go through this at some point in their lives.  I can hear my own voice carrying a thousand conversations and blurting out hundreds of ideas and opinions, all at the same time.  I try to focus on one.  It's hopeless.  It's like spinning around in circles and trying to make your eyes stop on one specific object.  It makes you weak.  It drains you.  I don't even know how I'm focusing on this one topic, right now.  I wonder if people who think this way are crazy for having so much crap, all jumbled up, in their heads.  Or maybe they're smart and just haven't learned how to weed out and organize their thoughts.  Maybe the "smart" people are the crazies who just have simple thoughts who glide down one highway in their head at a slow enough pace to make enough sense for everyone around them to call them smart.

My Delicious Fried Ticket to Hell

I've seen the check-ins and heard friends rave about the new hot spot in the neighborhood so, I had to make a trip to Magnolia Sliders and taste for myself. Needless to say, I took a crew of heavies to help me order more than the usual 3 things so that I wouldn't give away my secret fat girl identity. First on the list was, of course, The Slider... a mini-burger topped with grilled onions and Jalapeño Ranch Sauce. $1.50 a piece and just one was enough to start the ball of delicious madness rolling for me. The sauce, itself, was a zesty ranch delight.  Next up, FUNNEL CAKE! Yes.... I said funnel cake. This, alone, is worth the trip to 75th.  It was topped with banana slices, powdered sugar, whipped cream and chocolate drizzle. The cake stayed crispy on the outside and soft and warm on the inside under all of that sugary craziness.  $5.50 each is a steal compared to the rodeo.  3rd course, Jalapeño Poppers.  At 4 for $2.50, my taste buds screamed with joy for these cream cheese filled balls of love.  Then, came the FRIED........ TWINKIES!!!  $2.00 is a small price to pay for the greatest invention ever made. Just one made me wish the car would never start.  I almost slashed the tires, myself, just so we could stay for another hour.  Another beautiful masterpiece were the Loaded Ribbon Fries.  These thinly cut and fried potato slices were piled into a mountain pointing straight to Heaven and smothered with slightly spicy nacho cheese and sprinkled with bacon bits.  I don't know about you but I've been to the mountain top and I cringed at the thought of returning from it.  $3.50 was the toll for that climb.  And for desert.... the elusive FRIED OREOS with Ice Cream.  This magical sinning moment consisted of four battered and fried Oreo Cookies surrounding a scoop of Vanilla Ice Cream.  I took my time on these because scooping ice cream on top of the Oreo and taking a small bite seemed like murder.  How could I?  I just couldn't back down.  Now I know how the bad vampires felt on Twilight... and I'd do it all over again and live a lifetime in Hell for it.  $3.25 bought my ticket to eternal damnation.  Ah well... what could I do?  I'm only human.

Magnolia Sliders
7442 1/2 Dallas St
Houston, TX 77011 (corner of 75th @ Dallas across from Mason Park soccer field)
713-385-7120 Sun-Thur 11am-8pm, Fri-Sat 11am-9pm
If you "Like" on Facebook and Check-In you'll get 1/2 off of any 1 item off of your purchase.

If I could live there, I would.  Happy artery clogging, friends!!!

T

Tila's 2011 Grammys Rundown

Ok, so I'm not gonna give every detail of this 3 1/2 hour show but I'm gonna give you the rundown of stuff I noticed. I was jotting some notes on "notepad" during performances. I was going to edit but I thought they were funny and self explanatory just the way they are. So, without further ado, here they are... Your 2011 Grammy Awards Show Critiques!

LL Cool J should get a Grammy for hotness!!!!!!!!

Christina's red lips and red glittery mic, jennifer, florence, yolanda, martina voices were strong and on point.

Ricky martin tight pants... gonna rewind and do a wiener check

Lady gaga performance, weird shoulders gave me the skivies, born this way was raw and rocked!!!

Bruno Mars / rockadoodle girl made me sleepy

Paramore red hair and outfit were too cool!

Bieber, Jaden, Usher... Will n Jada were so proud like when your kid is in Christmas show at school. Will said "THATS MY BABY!"

DONNIEEEEEE FRIGGIIIIIIN WAHLBERRRRRG! HOW ARE YOU GONNA WINK AT ME FROM BEHIND THOSE DARN SHADES??????

Gaga wins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Letterman top 10 grammy surprises... funny... #1 Bieber hair = Hairpiece! hahaaaa

WTF is this heehaw trucker battle of the bands? Bob Dylan always sounds and looks drunk as hell!!!!!! His voice is shot to shit. By far that shittiest performance of the night.

Lady Antabellum took country to a cool level. So glad "quarter after 1" didnt make it to the stage. Waaaaaaaa there it is. fml. ‎"It's a quarter after 9, shuuuuut the fuck up and get off the staaaaaaaaage." My new jam. True story.

Aaaaaaaaaaand they won. Sick of that song.

Oh Jesus... Ceelo Green ... if Elton John and Stevie Wonder had a three way with a Muppet and had a baby....

Gwyneth Paltrow catsuite and hot pink earrings. Shazazz!!!!

Katy Perry looked like a sparkly ballerina princess, cute wedding vid, teenage dream was very lovie.

John Mayer, Nora Jones, Keith Urban "Joleen". Mayer looks like Depp. Jones' dress was "tres chic".

Lady Antabellum wins?? damn!

Seth Rogan is like a G6. 

Rhianna, Dre, Eminem. I'm so sick of Rhianna's excuse for why she loves getting beat downs.

Psycho angry Eminem. bleep whore. he's a studio thug. he needs help from Dr Phil.

Dre's shoes were blinding me!

Esperanza who??? We want Bieberrrrr!!!

That high school jazz band made me feel like I was in an episode of Cosby Show.

Stars we've lost... Lena Horne. Awwwww Teena Marieeeee!!!! Oh shit... that opera lady reminded me of Pretty Woman. Did they have a Tejano singer?? Jimmy Dean... I thought he made sausages. hmm

OMG Jagger looks like gay death!

What's with everyone having throat boogers, tonight?

BARBARA! You're a musical legend but pleeeeeease hurryyyyyy cause I'm falling asleep!!!

Nicki Minaj is the only person in the world who can pull off hot pink lipstick but what the eff was her Bride of Frankenstein hair? 

Eminem doesn't even look happy that he won. He looks all angry and troubled like... "Do they know about my plot to bomb this venue?"

Beyonce did the "tea time" "library" clap. Shes so damn fake and annoying. You know you ghetto, biaaaatch.

Rhianna n Drake... waaa waaa waaaa I'm over the whole he hit me but i like singing about it thing so anything she does makes me sick. Sorry, Drake.

J-Lo n Marc... most mismatched couple of all time. He's so damn ugly and she's soooo pretty and glitzy. Haaaa she cut him off from singing. 

Ugh! Are you kidding me? If I hear Lady Antabellum one more damn time.... *sigh*

Everytime I see Jason Segel, I think of Forgetting Sarah Marshall and I can't get his pickle out of my head!!!

Wtf is Arcade Fire? Sounds like a bunch of cats being raped and swung around by their tails. Fail!

ALBUM OF THE YEAR!!!!! Drumroll, please.... AND THE GRAMMY GOES TO.........

THE WHO????? I'm boycotting the Grammys. Fame Monster should have been the clear choice with way more hit singles than the others. Whatever. If I could reach the tv screen with my ass, I would totally SHART on it, right now! In the elusive words of my lil monstah, Ozzie, "Lady Gaga lost to this? No ma'am!"

So, this sums up your 2011 Grammys. Thank you and feel free to leave comments. Your feedback is appreciated.

Date With An Angel

August 9, 1999... Cameron Xavier Gallardo is born to my brother, Moe, and sister in law, Colette. Fast forward 11 years later to Cameron's 11th birthday. I hand him an orange envelope on his birthday, he opens it to find a ticket to the Rush concert at the Woodlands Pavillion on September 25th. He's ecstatic. Score! Coolest Tia Points go to...... Meeee!!! (for this year).

So, we get to the day of the concert. He's called me about three times, throughout the day to ask, "What time are we going???". I asked if he's excited and of course he says, "Yes", in that calm, deep tone he uses for any and every occasion. Cameron is a very monotone person. Getting any emotion out of him is like watching a glacier melt... you'll be there waiting and waiting and nothing. So, we're on our way. Moe is in a hurry to dump us off cause he's still got to go to my sister's house and drop off mom and baby and pick up my nephew, Seb, to take him and Caleb to the movies. He and Colette have a full day ahead of them.

We're at the Pavillion and as soon as we get off of the car, Cameron grabs my hand. We had to make a restroom stop before going on to the hill. So, Cameron goes and comes back to where I'm waiting. I ask him, "Should I go now or wait?" and he replies, "It WOULD be a good idea so we don't have to come back." So, I tell him to wait by the door and I go in. When I come out of the stall, he's standing INSIDE of the ladies' room. He said he wanted to wait inside for me. Haha. I think he was scared to wait outside by himself. We make our way up the hill to the top of the lawn. It's already dark and the show's already started. We make our way towards the front but there's literally no pocket anywhere in sight. The crowd is shoulder to shoulder. So, it's back up to the top for us. Everywhere we walk, Cameron always reaches for my hand. All of the awesome songs like, Freewill and Subdivisions are being played. I'm singing like a crazy woman and all he can do is stare at the stage and say, "Wow! This is way better than the Eagles" which I had taken him to for his birthday, 2 years prior. Cameron nudges me and says, "Look at the moon." and he points. "Doesn't that look awesome? Why does it look like there's a face staring at us? Look at how orange it is!". It did look pretty magical.

Right after Cammy turns to me and whispers, "I've never been in the middle of so many white people before", a young, guy next to my little Boo looks down at him and taps him on the shoulder and says, "Here you go, guy! Take a look through these!" and hands him a pair of binoculars. I thanked him and told him this was his first Rush concert. He looks over at his buddy and says, "This is his first Rush show." and his buddy says, "That's wussup!". So, now the wind starts to blow and he looks up at me and says, "Awesome! That breeze came just in time!". I asked if he was thirsty and he said he wouldn't mind a water. So, we're standing in line at the concession stand and a random drunk guy wobbles by us and puts his hand on Cameron's shoulder and yells, "You're totally at a Rush concert!" and keeps walking. Everyone around us looks right at Cammy and yells, "YEAAAAAAHHHH!!!". I don't know what all the attention he was getting was all about but he seemed to be enjoying it. So, the concession stand didn't take credit cards so, the vendor points me in the direction of the stand that DOES take cards. We go get in line and then notice, they only sell beer. So, as we go back to our spot, we hear the beginning of Tom Sawyer. "YEAAAAHHH!" and his hands up in the air is what comes out of Cameron. His eyes were huge as he stared at the stage and sang every word. That was the beginning of the entire "Moving Pictures" album. Later Cameron says, "Can we move? I keep smelling cigar smoke and it's starting to make me sick.". Little did he know that everywhere we were going to move to, that evening, there was going to be "cigar" smoke.

While they start playing their new stuff, I asked Cameron if he needed to go to the restroom or get a drink of water because he was already starting to look tired. He said yes so, we walk to the plaza behind the lawn area. I wait while he comes out of the restroom and we hear the beginning of the drum solo. I yell, "The drum solo! Your dad will kill us if he knows you missed it!". So, he runs and I tell him I'll catch up. When I get there, he's looking around for me. He's amazed at Neil Peart's rotating drum sets. He grabs my hand and looks up at me and smiles. I tell him, "You know you're witnessing one of the greatest drum solos by the best drummer EVER, right?" and he nods. When it's done, he claps. Again, he takes my hand and looks up and me and smiles but, this time he says, "I feel sorry for the Eagles. This is the greatest show ever". I feel a lump in my throat the size of an apple. Right before the show is about to end with "Working Man", Cameron looks up and says, "Look at that!" and I see a V of birds flying across the moon's light. He says, "I bet they're jamming, huh".

I don't know how many times throughout the night, my eyes welled up with tears and I felt my heart skip a beat. I don't know how many times it was, but I know that it was every single time he took my hand, looked up at me and smiled. People must have thought I was high because I know my eyes were red, all night. I've been to four Rush concerts in my life. I've been to several concerts at the Woodlands. I've been to concerts without drinking. I've taken Cameron to other concerts before. I don't know what it was about this evening. There was something almost magical about it. We didn't take one single picture due to my phone's camera freezing up but I didn't care. This is a night that I'll never forget. Somehow, I don't think Cameron will be forgetting it, either. I'm just thankful to God for this amazing night with my Angelface. If I was to die tomorrow, I'd have no regrets about my life and I would die with a smile on my face, knowing I lived to experience the greatest night of my 34 years.

Pasadena Cross Burning

Ok, so, I started my night off by going to a friend's house and having a beer or two. Decided to go karaoke with my cousins since they knew a spot close to home. They said they were going to Sam's Place on Spencer Hwy @ BW8. So, I tagged along since they always talk about this place. I have to admit, when I walked in, I felt a little sketchy and out of place being 1 out of 3 of the only Hispanic people in the place but I didn't want to feel like an asshole, later when they all ended up being nice and inviting me back, which is exactly what happened. Afterward, Joel and Monica decided they wanted to go eat at an all you can eat country breakfast place called "Skillet" at 6926 Spencer Hwy, Pasadena, TX 77505. I, of course, was down, no questions asked. We walked in and the place reminded me of a Denny's. Good food, packed, coffee scent in the air. So, once we walked in, we stood around for a few minutes... I looked around and noticed everyone was staring but I just figured it was my pink hair so, I didn't give it another thought. The waitresses didn't seem busy but still, none of them made an effort to see if we needed a chair, table or a job. Finally, a Mexican lady comes out of the back and asks us if we need to be seated and takes our drink order. She wasnt wearing a waitress uniform and had a wet apron and a hair net on so I know she wasn't a waitress but she was more than happy to help us so, I didn't see the difference. We get our food and as we eat, I notice another Hispanic woman walking toward the buffet and as she walks past our table she says, "Puro pinche guero aqui." So, of course, I say, "Haaaa!" and when she hears me, she comes back because she knows I understood her. So she tells us, in Spanish, she's there with friends and tells us how she only knows about menudo and pozole and how she grew up in Magnolia, too. So, after a few minutes, a "gringa" walks up, gives me the stink face and grabs her Mexican pet by the arm and walks out the door. I guess she felt threatened that we were gonna try to talk her friend into being free. After that, I hear the manager ask one of the snotty bitch waitresses if she had our check and she looks over to our table and makes a face and says, "I didn't seat them." So he walks over to us, smiles and says, "I'm sorry, your waitress didn't give me your ticket." and I reply, "Oh, well none of your waitresses cared to seat us so the Señora, in the back, seated us." So he apologized and gave us the tab and THEN I hear one of the females from the table next to us say, "Come on, tortilla, let's go. Do you like tortillas or what? Why do you keep looking?" I looked up and saw Joel's face turn Devil red. He started talking loud and saying, "What are you looking at, Hee Haw?" But when I looked over, there were about 30 overall wearing, pitch fork holding, cornbread eatin' Bubbas waiting to nail us to a stick and hang us in their corn field. So, I told Joel, "Just pay the check and let's go cause with our luck, they're Boss Hog's next door neighbors and we'll be in jail without a phone call, forever. So, Joel paid the check and I found the Señora and handed her the tip. I couldn't even see straight from how angry I was. All of this talk about equality and everyone living in harmony is bullshit. I think I'm happy on my side of the street and they can keep their white hooded, cross burning, Hee Haw side of the street to themselves. Why they don't go back to Europe is beyond me.... fucking foreigners!!!

Droopy Draws

It's day 3 of no beer for me and Yvette. I don't know if it's in my head but I was already beginning to feel the "withdrawals", if you will. Since Yvette's honey is working out of town, tonight, Yvette and I were just going to lay low at the house and try something we've never tried.... wine! It's 7 o'clock and I'm getting off of work. 7:05 I'm talking to Yvette on the phone deciding whether to go to Specs or just a random store to browse wines. 7:06 I hang up and walk out of the building. Holy Jesus!!! 2 seconds after I walk out, I feel the super cold air hit my face and it stings, bad! Is it because I'm fat or just a bad shopper but, my undies are starting to roll down! Well, I don't have time for that now. My hands are too cold. I get to the bus stop..... I wait..... 7:15 right on time.... a bus is coming and I am too excited. Here it comes! Noooooo!!!!!! It was the 6 Jensen. The wind is literally slapping the snot out of me and I'm not even moving but somehow my undies keep rolling like they're butter on a hot stove! 7:25 another bus is coming but first a yellow cab stops and the driver asks, "Did you need me?". I was like, "Excuse me?". He says, "Where are you going?". So, I reply, not trying to be rude, "Pasadena area.". He looks at me like that's far and says, "I suuuuure would like to take you." so, I just said, "My bus is behind you". Weirdo!!!! Why Lord? Why must I be cursed with this smokin' body that attracts all the crazies? I must have been imagining things cause there is no bus in site. 7:30 I cant feel my face anymore and my fingers feel like they're on fire. I'm damning everyone I see driving by in their cars and wishing that the stupid bus that probably zoomed by early and left me has a lunatic on it that will inevitably attack the bus driver with a jagged piece of glass and tear his face off just so it can feel exactly the way mine feels right now. This is ridiculous! I know I'm big but no underwear ever in the history of underwear has ever had enough material to creep down the side of your leg far enough to where your knees are yelling "get off!" all the while still held up in the middle by the pants! 7:41....... FINALLY!!!!! I get on the bus, my hands are red and I don't even feel my arms or face. 8:08 I get to Gulfgate to meet Yvette but she isn't there yet so I have to make the long walk through the store parking lot to the front door. Undies still on a mission to trip me once they get to my ankles! So, we pick 2 wines, get in the car and go and finally get to Yvette's. 9:45 wine is chilling in the fridge, I'm typing with Yvette and Ben over my shoulder.......... panties are still down! The end